Rusty, Phe, and Me!

This is Rusty from B -95 in Flint, Michigan, Phenecia Banks and myself. (Um, I'm the one in the middle)

I worked with Phenecia at the Holly Hotel last weekend. We had a great time (except for a couple of idiots at the Friday late show we won't mention)

I always enjoy working the Holly Hotel as George and Chrissy are two of the best people to work for. Now that I've been there several times Chrissy finally recognizes me when I walk in. ;-)

Rusty was the host for the Sunday night show at Maxies' in Flint, Michigan. I must say when I pulled up about 25 minutes before show time and saw the sign outside said "Free comedy" I thought that this gig was going to suck. Trust me, normally any show that is 'free' you get a bunch of jerkwads. However, even though the crowd wasn't that big on this HOT Sunday night the people that showed up were alot of fun. They did not heckle like you would expect from a free show and you could tell they were comedy veterans as they all paid attention to the show. Even the people at the bar in the back of the room.

Rusty was awesome as he got every single reference I made during the show. (Or else he was just laughing to make me feel good)

I need better pet names

First off I have a cat that technically didn't have a name until we took her to the vet a few years back. The cat still 'technically' doesn't have a name. I guess she does but I don't know how to spell it. The cat will only come anyway if she feels like it. It's such a cat thing.

She will come to you (if she feels like it) when you make the cat sound. Kind of a tch, tch, tch, tch. Well we had to take her to the vet years ago and they asked what her name was we couldn't say Tch, tch, tch, tch. So the cat's unofficial name is Dinah. Still have no idea where my daughter came up with that name.

Well what made me think about that today was I had to call a vet to make an appointment for my other pet that I've had for about 11 or 12 years now. No not a dog. I have a pet snake (no jokes please). I think I have the only snake that seems to be blind and can't smell a rat in front of it's face so it's off for a $49 vet visit. (I think visits to MY doctors office are cheaper).

Well, once again. I didn't name my pet myself. Years ago my niece noticed a pattern on the snake that led to the pet's name. So hear is the conversation I had with the vet today. Remember, we are talking about a snake.

Me: Hello, I need to bring my snake in for a visit.
Vet: What seems to be the problem.
Me: I think he can't see, he can't seem to find the food right in front of him even though he tries.
Vet: We can make an appointment for today or next week. (Evidentally my snake can get in quiker for an appointment than I can with my doctor also.)
Me: I'm on my way out of town today, let's shoot for next week.
Vet: How does Tuesday sound?
Me: Sound good.
Vet: What is the snakes name?
Me: Um...
Vet: ??
Me: "Pumpkin"

So the moral of the story, don't give your pet's stupid names because you'll have to say them seriously to someone someday.

Sheesh, I still can't beleive I have a snake named Pumpkin.

Vet:

Pimp my....bike??

Pimp my ride!

Some things you don't need a comedian to add his comments to it to make it funny. This pictures was taken by someone while visiting Central Park.

It's hard to figure out what is worse in the picture.

1. The bike itself
2. Being from Ohio I'm thinking, "Oh great, he would be wearing an Indians hat!"
3. The leather biking gloves.
4. The "Pimp Daddy Spare Tire"
5. The "Yeah, you are digging my ride pose" (Like the person who took the pictures wasn't doing all it took to keep from busting a gut.

I'm in the wrong line of business.

I look goofy now, but I'll soon be rich!

Above is a picture of Jennifer "Bug Eyes" Wilbanks. She is better known as "The Runaway Bride.".

She left her husband at the alter and the city of Duluth, Georgia spent nearly $43,000 to search for her. Wilbanks has repaid $13,249.

So what's my beef? She has signed with an literary agent for a cool $500,000. The agent is now pushing the idea into being made into a T.V. movie. (20 to 1 odds right now you know this will be a Lifetime Origianal Movie). I swear to God, I don't want to hear any crap from anyone that makes fun of me watching wrestling anymore.

Maybe I'm getting old. I remember the way it was taught to kids way back in the stone age before things like..fire. You work hard, save your money, and you will be O.K. in life. It appears now to be "Hey, do something REALLY stupid, make suckers out of a bunch a people, and write a book"

So today I'm thinking of quitting the workforce and doing one of the following to make it. Agents, please send advance checks if you want to talk to me about my 'life story'.

1. I will go on national T.V. and tell my wife after 8 years of marriage that I'm really not a man and she has been sleeping with another woman all these years. (Crap, thing Springer beat me to that one)

2. I will be a live in house guest with no visible means of support and wait for my celebrity ex football player landlord to get off with murder.

3. I will have hundreds of thousands of hard working citizens watch me make fun of thier everyday jobs like my rich a$$ would ever actually HAVE to work. Then I'll make an erotic video of me eating hamburgers for commercial purposes.

4. I'm going to change my name to George Steven Lucas Spielberg and come up with a line of toys and then make movies based on the toys!

Hello retirement!!!

Idiot of the Day

Idiot of the Day

Today's Idiot of the Day (which for some reason is STILL not done daily) Is Kathy Trant.

Kathy wants us to feel sorry for her because due to depression over losing her husband in the War in Iraq she blew through 5 million dollars!

When her husband died in the war she received after taxes 2 million from The Federal Victim Compensation Fund and another 3 million from friends and family. (I can't even hit my family up for a $20)

Part of her excuse is due to depression. That I can understand, but with 5 million in hand why not spend some of that money on something stupid like, oh, counseling maybe?

She gave her former housekeeper $15,000 to buy a home in El Salvador, she spent $70,000 to take six friends to the Super Bowl and another $30,000 for a trip for 20 to the Bahamas.

She spent $1.5 million to nearly triple the size of her suburban New York home. She spent $350,000 on the back yard, installing a full basketball court also equipped for volleyball, tennis and Rollerblading, a heated pool and a hot tub.

Her walk-in closet houses a $500,000 shoe collection, gowns by Versace and Capelli that go for $5,000 each and Fendi and Judith Leiber handbags, also $5,000 per bag.

Most of the women I know when they get depressed they do silly things like eat chocolate.

Maybe I'm just old school but sometimes I get sick and tired of people that have to make up excuses because they are idiots. Just the other day someone was telling me about how one of their friend was going through a bitter divorce because after the lost of their mom they turned to drugs and alcohol. Guess what, sack it up! Thousands of people, including myself, lose loved ones. Simply put, death is a part of life. However, for a person to want me to feel sorry for them because they blew through 5 million dollars because of depression, that's something that just isn't going to happen.

What riles me up in situation like these is I feel for the people who could only donate a buck or two for these types of funds so a woman like this can go out and buy $5000 hand bags and take her friends to the Super Bowl. What a friggin joke!

The other thing that chaps my a$$ is knowing that the amount she received was partially calculated on a formula on what her husband was expected to make. Her husband was making over $130,000 plus bonuses. He died in the World Trade Center. My question would be how much do spouses of soldiers get that actually are dying in Iraq on government pay? The people with two and three kids living on the army base. Maybe I'm wrong but I bet there won't be any kind of 2 million dollar check in their future unless they hit the lottery.

Welcome to Bloomington, Illinois!

This sign is what you see when you are coming into Bloomington, IL from the southside of town. Good thing it's there! I was being chased by a group of skinheads, but when we saw this sign we all stopped, held hands, and sang Kum-Bi-Ya.

After that we all went further north up the road and ate at Uncle Tom's pancake house!

Some places a brother can't eat.

Worse than Denny's or Cracker Barrell.

This is an actual restaurant in Bloomington, IL. Uncle Tom's Pancake House, wonder if I drive up the road further if I'll drive past "Chicken George's Chicken Shack"

One of the best songs ever

If you get a chance go to www.r-kelly.com where you can listen to "Trapped In The Closet Vol 1-5" (Note, as of today only Chapters 1-3 are up on his website)

I downloaded Chapter 1 to my I-pod a while ago. Today I was listening to my XM-Radio and heard the whole series. In my opinion R-Kelly is one of the most prolific and talented songwriters off our day. I do a little bit of lyrical writing and wish I could write like this.

Be sure to listen to "Trapped in the Closet Vol 1-5", as it states on the website it is an 'Epic Urban Soap Opera." The video for Chapter 1 is also on the website. It will be interesting to see the whole 5 set video when it comes out. It appears the CD will have the video on DVD when it comes out July 5th.

One of the best concerts I saw was earlier this year when I saw R. Kelly and Jay-Z in concert.

Some things no one needs to see

So I'm walking across a hot parking lot today to get from one business building to another building on another side of the street.

It's currenlty 88 degrees at the moment, even though the weather software on my P.C. says it FEELS like it's only 87 degrees. Well, what I saw earlier was just about at high noon when it was probably about 5 to 10 degrees hotter.

I noticed this guy going into the building was dressed completely in black, full length pants, long sleeve jacket. I'm thinking this guy has got to be burning up.

When I saw the guy leaving he was getting into his very nice Mercedes been convertible. Remind you VERY nice Mercedes been convertible. As the man got into his car I noticed underneath the black jacket and vest was the little strip of white on the collar. Yes, he was a preist.

Well, at least he has faith that God won't strike him down with a heatstroke. However, I also didn't know it was commonplace for priest these days to cruise around the streets in Mercedes Benz convertibles. (One again a VERY nice Mercedes Benz convertible) Maybe I'm just out of touch but I thought there was something about worldly possessions and being vain that members of the clergy were supposed to follow.

While apparently the Catholic Church is having financial difficulties their priest seem to be taken care of very well these days. Even though I thought a Mercedes Benz Convertible (A VERY nice Mercedes Benz Convertible) would usually be driven by a middle age man going through a mid life crises. I can see in the mind of the middle age balding man that he would think it's a chick magnet. Even though that's one of those things I never understood was equating your penis size to your automobile. Good thing too since I drive a Hyundai Elantra. My wife and daughter have bigger cars than I do. While I can't vouch for my daughter I know for certain my wife doesn't have a bigger penis than mine.

So I'm trying to figure out why a Catholic priest would be driving a car that is a chick magnet. It's not like Catholic priest have been known for their womanizing ways. If anything I could understand it more if they guy would have been driving an Ice Cream Truck or a Big Wheel.

Idiot of the Day Award

Idiot of the Day Award

Today's Idiot of the Day Award (which for some reason is STILL not done daily) goes to the Toy Biz company.

Somehow someone at Toy Biz must have been on a drunken bender one night and pissed off at his kids and came up with the great idea, "I have the perfect idea for a kids costume, FIRE!" (Might as well throw in a free pack of cigarettes to complete the ensemble)

Now wasn't it just several years ago that Beavis and Butthead were no longer to even allowed to say "FIRE, FIRE!" on thier show?

I'm sure the lawyers are just lining up waiting for the first kid that decides the fake fire lights in the costume just don't quite cut it.

Bumpers

Hyundai

The above picture actually has nothing to do with what I'm writing about. I just know that pictures are great 'eye catchers' for the reader.

The above car at least IS the type of car I have, except mine is black, and dirty, and has bugs all over the windshield, has a $400 dent in the hood I need to get fixed, doesn't have the side moldings, (I think, crap, now I have to look out the window to see) O.K. no moldings.

Anyhows, as I was stuck in traffic yesterday, for some unknown reason I was thinking about the drivers behind me, and how they were so close I couldn't see their front bumpers. Then it dawned on me that I beleive cars on US roads have to have "5 mph" bumpers.

Now, first off, what the heck is the point in that. I was trying to drive 5 mph and don't think I could even do it. I've been in cars where the speedometer starts at 5 so that would make it really hard to make sure your 5 mph bumpers is actually effective.

I was thinking even harder and dont' even know if there is anyplace in America that has a speed limit of 5 mph. I pull into the parking spot at the grocery store driving more the 5 mph.

I guess I shouldn't complain as now I feel safe in the knowledge that if I get into a 5 mph head on collision my vehicle and I will be O.K.

Well technically if it's a head on collision hopefully the other driver and I aren't driving over 2 1/2 mph each!